Why Emotions Feel Automatic and How to Change This…
This week, I wanted to share something that most people never realise about their emotional experience:
Until we intervene, our brain runs on automatic.
And when our brain’s on automatic, we’re simply reacting to our emotional experience as best we can.
This is natural and normal but very disempowering.
Why Emotions Feel Like They’re “Happening to You”
For all of us, the vast majority of our emotional experience is produced subconsciously.
Your subconscious thoughts produce the overwhelming majority of your feelings.
Not conscious thoughts. Not chosen thoughts. Just automatic ones:
“What if I get this wrong?”
“I’m not doing enough.”
“I should be coping better.”
“People will judge me.”
“I’m falling behind.”
And those automatic, silent thoughts produce:
Stress
Worry
Frustration
Self‑doubt
Emotional exhaustion
This is why it feels like your emotional experience is outside of your influence, like it’s happening to you, not from inside you.
I Lived Like This For Years…
I spent SO many years trying to manage the anxiety etc. that my brain was producing on the outside:
Endless people‑pleasing
Constant productivity
‘Pushing through’
Trying to ‘stay on top of things’
Personal pressure
None of it worked. Ever. I was only ever managing symptoms. The real challenge wasn’t outside of me.
It was inside my brain.
My emotions weren’t coming from my circumstances.
They were coming from my brain’s automatic thoughts - thoughts I didn’t even know were there!
This is Where Emotional Empowerment Begins!
A major part of emotional empowerment is learning the skills to:
1. Expose the emotionally relevant automatic thoughts
Not the surface thoughts. Not the “I’m fine” thoughts we often try to rely on. The deeper, meaning‑based thoughts your brain is using to generate your emotional everyday.
2. Intervene with them consciously
Not by suppressing them. Not by layering on positivity or gratitude. Not by endlessly managing them but by changing them at their root.
3. Practise the new thought until it becomes automatic
This is the part most people don’t yet realise:
Once you skilfully intervene and practise a new thought, your brain eventually adopts it as the new automatic.
And when that happens, the emotional benefit becomes EFFORTLESS.
Why Emotional Empowerment is Sustainable Transformation
This isn’t endless thought management. This is thought intervention.
Once your brain learns new, emotionally empowering thoughts, it uses these on repeat, without your conscious effort.
That’s why:
I wake up feeling worthy every day now, even though I did my worth‑based thought intervention three years ago.
Clients who’ve finished working with me still message to say they’re experiencing the emotional benefits daily.
Emotional empowerment grows like cumulative interest.
The brain is beautifully programmable.
Once it learns a new emotional skill, it runs it automatically.
Just like learning to drive a car.
At first, it’s clunky, conscious, effortful. But once your brain masters it, you don’t think about it anymore, you simply benefit every day.
Your Emotional Experience Can Become Automatically in Your Favour:
Imagine waking up with:
More calm
More clarity
More confidence
More reassurance
More energy
Not because life is easy. Not because work is quiet. Not because the kids are particularly happy.
But because your brain has learned to produce those emotional changes automatically.
This is the heart of emotional empowerment.
Practical Steps Forwards From Today…
Awareness is always the first step towards any emotional change.
Here are three simple questions to gently bring your automatic thoughts into consciousness:
1. At the moment, what emotions does my brain produce automatically?
Notice the challenges…stress, worry, frustration, self‑doubt. These are often your automatic brain’s defaults.
Remember, these emotions don’t show any failing or weakness in you whatsoever.
Curious, compassionate awareness is most emotionally helpful.
2. What automatic thoughts might be emotionally relevant?
For example, does your brain currently believe (regularly think) any of these thoughts:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll get something wrong.”
“If only…(some kind of circumstance) was different I’d feel (welcome emotion).”
“I should be more (some kind of personal ‘improvement’).
These thoughts often run quietly in the background affecting every single day.
If you recognise any of the beliefs above - know that MY brain also used to repeat such disempowering thoughts constantly.
You are not any less worthy or important according to what your brain is currently thinking or the feelings it’s producing.
However, empowering opportunity comes when we start to identify them and recognise their impact.
What’s one of these thoughts that you could re-consider in a gentle way? E.g. “Going forwards, I can choose if I want to continue to think/believe…”
Targeted small steps really can have big impact.
Consider these questions to take steps forwards with empowering awareness.
If you’d love a quicker emotional transformation…
This is exactly what we explore in my free 30‑minute Discovery Call.
If you’d love to consistently feel:
Calmer
More regulated
More empowered
More yourself
…my free 30‑minute Discovery Call is a gentle place to begin.
No judgement or expectation. It’s just a safe, exciting opportunity to explore the emotional experience you seek and the steps your brain needs to create it.
To book this, you can click on the link below:
Here’s to you finally living the supportive and empowering emotional experience you deserve.