We can experience so much pressure trying to *look* like we’re coping, when actually, on the inside, we’re struggling.

Last weekend, I was reminded of the stark contrast we can often feel between our ‘outward coping’ and ‘inward struggling’.

I was at my brother‑in‑law’s wedding in Italy and it was like stepping straight into a film set. The lakes, the sunshine and the atmosphere was so beautiful.

My daughters, Chloe and Sophie, were flower girls which was so lovely (especially now they’re old enough to execute this pretty much independently!).

We managed the outfits, the timings, the logistics.
Looking at my family photo, you’d think it was a seamless, perfect day. Calm. Everything under control.

But as we all know, appearances can be deceptive!

If you’d tried to find me at 10pm that evening, you wouldn’t have found me smiling effortlessly, sipping champagne.

You’d have found me in the toilet, scrubbing lumps of sick off Chloe’s flower‑girl shoes!

She’d vomited all over herself and me during the meal.

This reminded me of how often the reality of life is so different to the surface ‘appearance’.

When you’re high‑functioning, you often perform well on the outside while quietly feeling so different on the inside.

You hold it together and keep delivering for everyone else.
You keep up appearances, smile and do what’s expected.

But internally?

You might feel completely different; a world of silent worry, frustration or stress.

It’s understandable you might feel emotionally disconnected, irrelevant or invisible as a result. Sometimes even to the people closest to you.

Feeling Emotionally Alone…

If you’ve learnt to ‘perform’ despite experiencing challenging emotions, there’s a truth that can provide an exciting way forwards…

The best person to understand and support you emotionally is you.

Before I trained my brain to change, I’d never had the chance to consider how I could be emotionally ‘seen’ by myself.

Given all your emotions are produced by your own brain, this opens the door to a wonderful realisation:

The most important emotional relationship you’ll ever have, is the one you have with yourself.

You can absolutely train your brain to be your own best friend, to provide you with reassurance, calm and confidence.

Suddenly, you’re no longer emotionally alone.

You’re emotionally connected, visible and relevant...to yourself.

Given you’re best placed to be the one to emotionally understand and engage with how you feel, let’s focus on a step to train your brain to empower you this week.

Gentle Touch for Emotional Comfort

I’d love you to feel emotionally ‘seen’ and cared for this week, by YOU.

Let’s explore a natural association your brain has between gentle touch and emotional comfort.

Gentle touch initiates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the brain that calms the mind and body.

This week, you can use this natural brain association between gentle touch and emotional comfort to your advantage.

Choose one or all or the small activities from my list below to try this week. Of course, you could also think of your own.

They all provide a natural, easy opportunity for gentle touch:

When brushing your hair, do it really gently, the way you would for someone you love.
When washing your hair, slow down and use gentle pressure.
Try slow, gentle hand‑washing. Instead of rushing, soften the movement.
When drying yourself with a towel, do it the way you would if helping your child after a bath…gentle, kind and caring.