Overcome the vicious cycle of always doing ‘more’…
We can all relate to times when we try to change how we feel by doing more.
I lived with a brain that consistently produced feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and stress.
One of my best coping strategies back then, was to chase action, hoping it would result in emotional benefit.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was chasing the emotional change I was looking for.
If I could just be more, achieve more, get more done, I hoped my brain would finally say
“Well done! Now you can finally feel adequate, ‘enough’, worthy, successful, capable…”
That never happened.
I was just trying to support myself emotionally using the best methods I had at the time.
But, life was always exhausting or disempowering.
My brain could always identify the next opportunity to fall short:
More lists. AGAIN!
A new plan!
A new responsibility!
More pleasing!
A weekend rammed full of efficient action!
I used to exhaust myself doing this.
If I could change this… achieve that… tick off the next thing… then I’d finally feel:
Enough! Adequate! Successful!
That be such a relief and comfort.
Imagining myself thinking I was ‘enough’ as a teacher, mum, wife, friend drove me on.
Why ‘doing more’ makes emotional sense…
One of the reasons we can be understanding and kind to ourselves about this behaviour is because you often do get that initial spark of positive emotion when you try to do more.
You brain imagines how you’ll feel once you’ve achieved the ‘thing’.
You commit with the energy reserves that are already low. You commit. You try.
But…it’s unsustainable.
After a short period, practical reality sets in, emotional challenge creeps in. The emotional benefit fades. Then it vanishes.
Suddenly you’re left thinking:
“I can’t change my experience,”
“I’m clearly not ‘enough’.
Your attempt to feel better by doing more has actually reinforced your feeling of disempowerment overall.
So let’s pause here. Phew.
That hampster wheel really is exhausting.
Wonderfully, there are other options that make the emotions we seek a reality. This part is crucial:
It’s not that you can’t experience the emotions you seek.
It’s that you’ve been trying to change your emotions through behavioural action.
Your emotions are in fact, constructed by your brain, with your conscious and subconscious thinking playing a critical role in this process.
Doing more therefore doesn’t target the source of your emotions.
The way for you to have incredible impact over the emotions you experience, is to intervene in the way your brain is thinking.
It can be an incredible relief to know that your emotional goals are available, you just need to target how your brain is producing your emotions at source.
That’s how I deliver such significant impact for my clients in such a short space of time.
When you target the source of your emotions and the critical role thoughts play in this process, you access relief, clarity and empowerment that previously felt unachievable.
And wonderfully, intervening at source means your emotional goals can be sustained!
So today is about recognising something deeply reassuring:
Your previous attempts to “do more” in order to feel better (the ones that didn’t work), are not evidence that you lack:
Intelligence
Worth
Capability
Emotional potential.
This week’s self‑support step…
Here’s a carefully crafted, emotionally supportive thought your brain is likely to be receptive to:
“Perhaps I don’t lack emotional potential, I’ve just not yet had the opportunity to successfully intervene.”
I suggest you add this thought as a note on your phone with a silent alarm to revisit daily.
Each time the alarm goes off, read it through. Tweak it to make it your own too if that helps.
Each time your brain revisits this thought, you embed a step towards greater emotional reassurance.
Why this matters
Your brain is waiting to emotionally perform for you in a way that fuels your health, energy and potential.
A completely different life.
You simply need a relationship with your brain that gives it this opportunity.
That’s why I created the Emotional Rebuild Framework™, a short series of online coaching sessions, rooted in neuroscience, that enable you to build an empowering relationship with your own brain. For good.
A relationship that gives you full emotional opportunity. It’s incredible where this can take you.
Click below to see a visual overview of my framework:
You and your feelings really matter.
