Vital Clarity for Self-Support

Most of us don’t realise how often we talk around an emotional challenge instead of focusing on it. We describe the circumstances…the difficult person, the unexpected difficulty, the pressure.

Very often, we don’t focus on the emotion underneath. Without emotional clarity, everything feels unclear, overwhelming and unsolvable.

That’s the main reason why before changing my brain with emotional empowerment skills, I often felt completely lost.

We’ve All Been Socialised to Repress Emotion

From childhood, we’re taught to please, to keep the peace, to make others comfortable. We learn to perform socially. We learn to project an image of who we think we should be.

I was the ultimate emotional performer. I performed for everyone without realising, even my husband.

I didn’t have any clarity on what I felt, when I felt it, why it was happening or how to support myself.

I could talk endlessly around an emotional challenge, but didn’t ever gain any advantageous emotional insight.

An Everyday Example: The Professional Parent Spiral

Think about a typical day as a working parent:

Your child refuses to get dressed. You’re already late. Your inbox is full.

Your manager wants an update. Dinner isn’t planned. The house is a complete mess.

You might say:

“My morning was just one thing after another, work’s impossible right now and the house is a total bombsite.”

These sentences are all about circumstances.

They don’t tell you anything about your emotional experience.

And without that, your brain can’t help you.

We Talk About Circumstances Instead of Emotions

It makes complete sense that we naturally talk about circumstances when we’re actually talking about how we feel.

Our brain produces emotions so quickly in response to a situation, it feels like the circumstance is what’s emotionally significant.

Talking about circumstances also feels safer. It’s less personal.

Less exposing. Less likely to invite judgement.

We can see objectively however, not everyone feels the same way in the same situation. Which means the emotion isn’t coming from the circumstance, it’s coming from your brain.

That’s actually good news!

Given your brain is producing your emotions, you have the opportunity to influence them.

You don’t have to be at the emotional mercy of your workload, your kids’ behaviour, your partner’s snappy comment or the never‑ending list of responsibilities.

Let’s Get to why it matters - how you’re feeling

When you remove the circumstantial noise, the question becomes:

Why does this matter to me emotionally?

What emotion am I actually feeling?

Maybe “My morning was just one thing after another,” matters because you felt overwhelmed,

Perhaps “Work’s impossible right now,” matters because you feel worried or upset,

Maybe “The house is a total bombsite,” matters because you feel angry.

When you’re willing to notice and identify the emotion, you finally understand why something feels so challenging.

And once you understand it, you can support yourself.

“Feel my challenging emotions, Sally? That sounds fun…”

I know.

It doesn’t sound inviting. Feelings can feel intimidating.

But difficult emotions are simply physical sensations: faster breathing, a headache, stomach ache. They pass. These sensations don’t mean you’re failing, weak, inadequate or unworthy.

They’re just sensations you feel in your body, produced by your brain.

When you notice their significance, everything becomes clearer.

Repeated practice changes your brain…

This week, my next step suggestion is simple:

Reduce your complexity and noise down to its emotional relevance.

When something feels challenging, pause and ask:

Why does this matter to me emotionally?

What emotion might I be feeling right now?

Not the circumstance. Not the story. Not the noise.

Just the emotion.

These small moments of awareness change everything.

They help your brain understand the challenge at hand and make self-support possible through clarity instead of confusion.

Let’s Build a Brain That Brings Clarity, Not Confusion

When you stop talking around the problem and start noticing the emotion underneath, you give yourself the opportunity to change how you feel and take supportive next steps.

You and your feelings really matter. Let’s empower your everyday.